After the Split, Before the Divorce: Kids

In this series of posts, I’ll discuss some general considerations and rules of thumb concerning that crucial time between deciding to divorce and the finalization of the divorce. I feel it is more important than ever to give my standard disclaimer: This is not legal advice. If it were legal advice, you would have paid me; since you haven’t paid me, it’s not legal advice. Every situation is different. Please consult an attorney of your choice before making any decisions affecting your legal rights. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get on with it.

I’m assuming that amicably or otherwise, you and your spouse have split up and you’ve decided it’s for good. You both want a divorce (or at least realize it’s inevitable in your situation). Several things go through your mind at a time like this. If you have children, they probably preoccupy the majority of your worries right now.

First, how should you tell the children about the divorce? Children need and crave stability. The divorce is going to be traumatic on them. There’s no getting around that. You can, and should, do what you can to minimize the fear and anxiety they will feel. An article on About.com states that if at all possible, both partners should be there to tell the kids. Make a plan, and avoid placing blame during the conversation with the children. Reassure the children that you love them unconditionally and provide them details on what they can expect and details on the parent who is leaving the home. You can find plenty of other advice through a Google search.

One of the reasons this time between the separation and before the divorce is so critical is because, at least in Mississippi, rights are so nebulous. During this time, both parents have full legal custody of the children—you both can make decisions affecting the child. You both have the same rights you had before concerning custody of the child; you can take him or her wherever you want.¹ This can be good or bad, depending on the viewpoint. One of the potential hazards is one parent absconding with the child and keeping the other in the dark concerning the child’s whereabouts.

When it comes to support, legally, both parents have the parental duty to provide the children with necessities during this time as well. But how much money is necessary? What about expenses such as health insurance, or, if the child is of driving age, car insurance?

The best thing to do is to have a written agreement. Set forth a temporary visitation and custody schedule, as well as an amount that the non-custodial parent will pay as temporary child support. Both of you should sign this agreement. It may not be binding in court, but it would be good evidence of willingness to comply with the terms, and at the very least, it couldn’t hurt.

Once the divorce complaint is filed, you should either attempt to get the court to approve this agreement pending the final judgment of divorce, or seek to have it supplemented with an order of temporary relief. Once the temporary order is in place, any violation of it can be cause for a contempt citation.

What if you and your spouse can’t come to an agreement on any of these temporary matters? To borrow a phrase, get thee to a court (preferably with a lawyer)! This is when you need to get into the court system as soon as possible so the disputes affecting the children can be resolved. Remember, children crave stability, and the more you can give to them, even if it is court-imposed, the better.

In the next part of this series, I’ll discuss some concerns you may have with property during this time.

Hattiesburg attorney Tim Evans can help you if you need advice concerning your children as you go through the divorce process. Email Tim Evans or give him a call at 601-583-1500.