I’ll admit it, my first “special series” was/is basically a dud. I didn’t plan it out; I basically just thought, “what would be a good series to post about?” I thought I could make it a series of three or four blog posts, but it really all comes down to one idea.
Even if you agree with your estranged spouse, you should always get things in writing in possible. It may not be definitive proof in court, but the writing can usually be used as evidence should things go bad between you and the spouse after you’ve decided to get a divorce.
I know some of you are thinking, “Tim, if I asked my spouse to put an agreement in writing, they’d get all offended, and it would just make them mad.” My response is “so?” What are they going to do if you offend them, ask for a divorce? That’s already happened. Listen, you presumably know your spouse better than I do. If you don’t think it’s a good idea, don’t do it, but you are asking me to represent and advise you through this process.
Even if you don’t get agreements with your spouse in writing, immediately write down a “memo” to yourself concerning the agreement. I advise my clients to get a blank notebook and use it for only one purpose, to keep notes (the date the note is written down should be recorded as well as the time it was written). They should keep notes of any communication they have with their spouse and any financial transactions with their spouse or that may come from a joint account, and, in very broad terms, communications with their lawyer (such as “called on 5/12 re: not being allowed to see kids). It is important that recording communications with your lawyer be recorded in very general terms and not include anything confidential because that notebook could be discoverable evidence in a divorce trial.
Why do I advise clients to do this? Because the human memory is pathetic as a recording device, especially when it a very emotional event such as a divorce. Other lawyers are probably shocked that I would state clients should keep track of communications with their attorneys, but it definitely helps a client remember what to do and not to do, and it helps them keep the attorney honest. Hey, all attorneys have forgotten that they’ve told a client that document x will be ready on date y.
By keeping these notes, you’re building a good record should things turn sour. There are many divorces that start off “amicable” and end up much less so. It’s better to be prepared for that and not need it than to need it and not have it.
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