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The most frequent complaint about lawyers is they won’t take or return phone calls.  Articles on this subject usually sugarcoat the issue, give some blah blah blah about professional responsibility, or try to it wrap up in a touchy-feely feel-good win-win conclusion.  No one really wants to tell you what is going on.  You want the truth about why your lawyer doesn’t want to talk to you?  Here are the top ten reasons your attorney won’t return your calls.

10. Your lawyer is busy on something more important. While you may think and act like you are your lawyer’s only client, the reality is that a lot of other people hired the same attorney as you.  Your business alone will not pay your lawyer’s bills.  Lawyers have to meet crucial deadlines. They spend hours standing around in courtrooms, and more hours researching and preparing to stand around in courtrooms.  They are in meetings with clients, interviewing witnesses, taking depositions, and a million other important things.  Your whiney question about a case that won’t be going to trial for two or three years is not as pressing as the case set for trial tomorrow.

9.  There is nothing new to tell you. Many people believe that there are always new developments in their case, or that there should be.  In reality, most cases involve many periods of intense activity but also include many times of little or no activity.  For example, if you send interrogatories to the opposing party, there is probably nothing going on until they submit their answers a month from now.  If all discovery has been done and you are just waiting for trial, you could experience months of inactivity in a case just waiting to get in front of a judge.  If there is nothing to tell you, your call inquiring about the status of the case may not get returned until there is absolutely nothing else of any importance that the lawyer needs to do.

8.  You talk too much. Some people act like a lawyer has all the time in the world, and want to chat endlessly about trivial matters that just aren’t relevant.  Lawyers quickly learn which clients can be efficient and which ones are time hogs.  If you know how to get to the point, get your answer, and move on, your lawyer is much more likely to return your calls than if he or she knows that your call will go on forever.  Lawyers are busy, they only have a limited number of hours in a day, and they can’t spend all day listening to you blab on and on.  It’s nothing personal, you are just a waste of time.  If the lawyer starts the conversation with, “I’ve only got 5 minutes before I have to do X,” that may be a warning sign that you are a time waster.  Make your calls short and to the point, and you’ll hear from your lawyer sooner and more often.

7.  Your lawyer has issues. Surprisingly few people do much research before hiring a lawyer.  This lack of diligence works out well for lawyers with substance abuse problems, mental illnesses, or a poor work ethic.  What do you really know about this person who has been entrusted with the most important matters in your life?  Statistics indicate that lawyers suffer from alcoholism and depression at rates significantly higher than the general population.    In fact, lawyers have the most alcoholics of any profession.  You may have hired a fantastic attorney who is swamped with work, or you may have hired an alcoholic lawyer who is too drunk to talk to you right now.

6.  Your lawyer screwed up. While still fairly rare, this does happen more often than people realize.  Your lawyer could be avoiding telling you the unpleasant truth that your case has already been lost.  How can this happen?  The most common way is that the lawyer missed a filing deadline.  If there was a statute of limitations on when your case had to be filed with the court and the lawyer missed that deadline, then you are screwed. Your lawyer doesn’t want to tell you because he or she doesn’t want to have to admit to committing malpractice.  So he stalls, delays, and avoids you until he can figure out a way out of this mess.

5.  Your lawyer is an ass. Most lawyers are not as bad as the reputation of the profession would lead one to believe.  In fact, most are ordinary people who just happen to be in a job that turns them into bitter, cynical asses who hate what they do every day.  Most started out with high aspirations for all the good they could do in the world as a lawyer, only to discover so much of the job is just doing the bidding of some of the sorriest SOBs on the planet (such as you).  This is very hard on one’s soul, and over time it can turn lawyers into rather unpleasant people.  Note: It could also be that he was already an ass before becoming a lawyer, in which case joining the legal profession is like living a dream for him.

4. You are not the client. It is absolutely amazing how many people think they have a right to know what is going on in other people’s cases.  Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, ex-wives, employers – the number of people who call lawyers wanting to know “what is going on” would surprise most people.  If you are leaving messages about someone else’s case and aren’t getting a return call, consider that the lawyer has no obligation to call you.  The lawyer doesn’t represent you, can’t tell you anything, and really doesn’t have time to argue with you about why he can’t tell you anything.  It doesn’t matter if you are the client’s momma, if you have written authorization, if you have a power of attorney for the client, or even if you are paying the bill.  If you aren’t the client, mind your own business.

3.  You are an idiot. This one is pretty self-explanatory.  You are a dumbass who doesn’t understand anything you are told, or who disregards it to do whatever you want to do anyway.  You are going to be getting into trouble for the rest of your life because you are just so dumb.  Seen those “stupid criminal” videos?  That’s you.  Your lawyer is tired of telling you what to do, only to watch you disregard it to indulge your impulses or because you think you are smarter than everyone else.  You aren’t.  No one likes to waste time talking to a moron.

2.  You won’t listen. This one often overlaps with “you are an idiot.”  No matter how many times something is explained to you, you ask the same questions over and over because you don’t like the answers you received.  You think that if you ask the same question over and over, at some point the answer will change into something you want to hear.  This isn’t your mommy saying you can’t have a cookie and finally giving in because you asked for it 100 times.  If you’ve been told the same answer a dozen times already, maybe it is because that really is the answer.  Since the lawyer doesn’t want to tell you again, he just won’t bother talking to you.

1.  You are an ass. The biggest reason that your lawyer doesn’t want to talk to you is that you are an ass.  You are rude, demanding, pushy, arrogant, whiney, and annoying.  You think that you can catch more flies with a flamethrower than with honey.  Your lawyer is the only person who is trying to help you, and yet you want to treat him like this?  Hating you is not a good motivator for trying to help win your case.  The squeaky wheel may get the grease, but it doesn’t get a returned phone call.  Try being polite and pleasant, and you’ll have much better communications with your lawyer.

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There are processes where a true emergency may be heard by a court in a matter of days. Even in these cases, though, this is just an initial hearing, and it must soon be followed up within a few days with another hearing to give due process to the other party.

The most certain deadline I can give a client is when it concerns a non-contested divorce where all factors are agreed upon by the husband and wife. In such a case, the divorce may be finalized by the Court 60 days after filing the Joint Complaint for Divorce. That doesn’t mean on day 60 the divorce will be granted, though. Chancery court judges are assigned to districts which contain more than one county, and the judges rotate between counties. Some months, the judge to which the case has been assigned may not hear cases in that county. In such a situation, it may be possible to get the case heard in another county, but I think you can now understand that it is unlikely to happen exactly on day 60.

In other cases, it largely depends on how complicated the case is. Additionally, there is the court’s calendar to consider. Courts usually “overbook” trials because most settle before court. However, if you’re not the “first setting” and a trial before you goes forward, you may have to get a new trial date. Add to all of this the complication of finding a date that (at least) two attorneys have available. All of these factors work to slow down “the wheels of justice” to some degree.

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Ben Stevens (aka The Mac Lawyer), a South Carolina family lawyer, has compiled a list of state-specific family law blogs. I’m glad to see he didn’t overlook this blog!

If you need some family law help in a state other than Mississippi, check out his list to find a lawyer who blogs in the state in which you need assistance. Of course, I’ll also put in a shameless plug and say if you need help with a family law issue in Mississippi, give me a call.

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First, if the attorney fees are paid by an alimony recipient and were incurred to secure alimony, some or all of the fee may be deductible. Similarly, to the extent that an attorney fee was paid for advice or assistance in determining the taxable consequences of child support, alimony, or property division, the fee may be deductible.

Status as of December 31. It is the status of the spouses as of December 31 that is determinative of how they may file. If the divorce is not final by December 31, then the couple must file as married. If it is final, they must file as single or head of household. Normally, only one of the spouses may file as head of household.

Refunds. The parties may decide who will receive a tax refund if the divorce is pending at that time. If the refund is not addressed by agreement, the refund belongs to the spouse whose tax payment created the refund. The IRS provides a formula to make this determination.

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Over the years, a number of prospective clients have asked about how mean a lawyer I can be. I used to tell them that I could be as mean as I needed to be. Now, I prefer to discuss some other, related issues.

1. What is the client’s overall objective in getting (or getting through) the divorce? Is it punishment for perceived wrongs? Is it to end up with adequate resources to be comfortable after divorce? Is it to have primary custody of the kids or to have a way to share time and responsibility for raising the kids? Is it to end up with certain valuable assets? Is it to come out debt free? Or something else? There’s no right or wrong answer. It just helps the lawyer to know what the target is.

2. What kind of relationship does the client want to have with his/her ex-spouse? No relationship, a good one, best friends, neutral relationship or a bad relationship? Again, there’s no right or wrong approach. The attorney just needs to know in order to work out the appropriate strategy.

3. What “mean” actions would the client want to take? Some actions are not permissible because they are illegal or unethical for a lawyer to do, and the client needs to understand that. Some actions are legal and ethical, but could be considered “mean” in some circumstances. Within that limited category, what would the client want?

4. How does the client think “meanness” will advance his/her cause? Some clients don’t realize that being mean to the other side leads to more hostility and less cooperation. Will that help the client meet his/her needs or achieve his/her objectives?

5. Is the client willing to spend the extra money required to be mean? Unfortunately, for the client, “mean” isn’t cheap. The attorney’s fees increase dramatically when the attorney sends out numerous letters complaining or demanding action, files numerous pleadings complaining or requesting actions, sets hearings, conducts numerous depositions, demands voluminous discovery and so on. Also, the “tit for tat” strategy comes into play, meaning that whatever one side does to the other is returned again to the first party. The result: more letters, pleadings, hearings, depositions, discovery, etc. Being mean keeps the attorney busy, but it also increases the cost of divorce for both parties.

Often, the desire to hire a mean lawyer is just the natural reaction to pain,anger or fear the client is experiencing. There are certainly times when an attorney must act aggressively and firmly, but most clients just don’t need or want a really mean lawyer when they learn how that will affect the case and their lives. And many or most clients can’t afford or won’t want to pay for a mean lawyer. Having the discussion about taking the mean approach can really be surprising to the client, but it can lead to planning for a better divorce.

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